Serendipity Tree Ministries

I'm not what I would consider to be a very thick skinned kind of person, but what I AM is a thirty-six year old woman who has five children and a house that is over one hundred years old.  (This means I have encountered a multitude of disgusting things and critters in recent years by default, and don't scream or even release a peep when I experience them anymore.  I just get to work in resolution of the issues and wash my hands.)

I welcomed in this past decade by lying in an apartment bathtub as my son's head crowned (even though my husband was in denial that I was actually in labor and refused to call our midwife because it was the middle of the night and he didn't want to disturb her) realizing that sooner or later, I was going to have to push.  Even though I had repeatedly heard from people and books and movies that as a woman about to give birth, "you will know, you will just know it is time to push because you will have an undeniable urge to push....", it wasn't true for me!  My reality was that any instincts that were originally there, became muted and stifled during the process.  I was afraid, but couldn't turn back at this point. 

I just gave myself to the process.  But because there was some hidden doubt in my own abilities to follow through, and because I had let those close to me influence me by their suggestions, I hesitated.  I began to wonder if they were right in this situation, and my own sensory feedback and intuition was off.  I started to think that maybe something was wrong with me after all because I was not receiving active affirmation, but surrounded instead by curious spectators. I temporarily lost touch with my confidence, with my motivation for designing a peaceful, calm homebirth in the first place, and my inner strength and resolve.

Those viewing the birth would probably disagree with this perspective, because it appeared to have been pulled off marvelously well, but I remember it, and what was going on inside of me during the adventure, like yesterday.  My midwife finally arrived and confirmed that I was most definately in labor, and not only in labor, but about to hold my baby.  She also told me that I looked like I was drunk and had incredible endorphins.  She had me reach my hand down to touch my child, and told me to push.

So I "pushed".  I had never seen a woman push, and so I tried to "push" using my abs, but nothing much was happening.  I was really pushing, but I was pushing the wrong set of muscles.  She finally just looked at me and said to PUSH powerfully and wholeheartedly like I would as if I was having a bowel movement that was difficult to get out.

What? 

I told her that I couldn't push with such focused commitment like that, because I might POOP!  And I don't POOP in front of other people!

She used a firm voice, gave me a homeopathic tablet of pulsatilla, and commanded me to PUSH, and do it like she instructed ~ NOW, because my nearly 16 inch headed son was stuck and in danger.

Well, if you put it that way.......

and so I did it.  I pushed.  I pooped.  I had a beautiful boy, and now I'm writing it in a blog entry for all the world to see.  (I might not have believed it if this was mentioned to me then.)

Turns out that my moments of weakness were in a part of labor called TRANSITION, and are fairly common.  Even the strongest of women often crumble in that phase!  Sometimes, in transition, you throw up and are even tempted to give up.  Trust me, a side of you that you have never met arrives!  But you know what?  It is a predictable phase in childbirth, and although I found that place difficult in all four of my following deliveries, it has never been such a frightening time again.

That's because I learned that transition is unavoidable, but my response to that pain and vulnerability is my own option.  I can decide what I will do and remember when I am in that place, and I can prepare for it and roll with it instead of fight it.

Last night, I had a magnificient experience!  A coach told me to do something that is contrary to almost every piece of advice I have ever gotten.  Usually, when I openly acknowledge a painful thing, I receive an urgent sound back to "get over it", or reasons why "it's no big deal", or "it's not how you think".  But this coach, she told me something completely different.

She told me to "sit with it".  She did encourage me not to "bury" myself in it, but she told me to "sit with it".  And even though the thing I was sitting with started off hurting, it is completely powerless over me now, in less than twenty-four hours.

I am amazed at this, but I know what happened.  I embraced the disgusting, without holding on to it.  I temporarily held it, but only long enough to gently acknowledge the truth.   I hugged it, and acknowledged what had touched me deeply, and then put it down.  My embrace doesn't mean that the disgusting was okay, or that I was okay with it, but it meant that I was able to see it for what it was - something that I was now sitting with instead of still living in.

And because I just sat with it, and had permission to remove myself from it when it was time, (permission I was not able to give to myself), I was able to firmly and definitely get up, and walk away, all the while being gentle with myself.  

It's all something I just discovered, and it makes total sense to me now.  It must be part of what God says is "walking in the spirit".

Mmmm.  It's beautiful.

You have just got to try it!  xxoo

Rach

P.S.  You can connect with this great organic life coach yourself by visiting the "Our Online Hangouts" link on the left hand side of this page and scrolling down to the "Organic Sister" website.